somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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