omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
