He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
