The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
