The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
