i already hear my dad disowning me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
