this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
