'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
