Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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