Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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