he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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