so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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