My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
