we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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