maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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