I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
