Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You're so nebulous sometimes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
