My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
