how can u be prego again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
