make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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