I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
