I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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