is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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