hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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