If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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