i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My cat gives me a boner
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
