thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
