She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Randomize
