dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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