I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
