why didn't you poke me back
Umm I'm too high to move.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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