I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
