no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
