I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
