his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
