some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
