I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
