Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I want to make a zoo with you.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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