I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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