I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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