You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
