so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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