There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
