i think i have herpe
just one?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
