I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
