just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The air was thick with penises
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
