i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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