Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
