U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
