dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she smelled like a LAN party
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
