You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
soo... how was my night?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
