you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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