oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Farmville is her only friend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His nipple licking is glorious
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