And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
