The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
