everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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