What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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