Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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