you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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